Grateful

Our budget this month has been tighter than usual thanks to a lovely car repair at the end of October. So today as I was walking out of Walmart with a shopping cart full of groceries I was thinking to myself how frustrated I was; frustrated that the budget is even tighter than usual, frustrated that I couldn't buy some of the things that I wanted to at the store, frustrated and tired of living on a student budget. I got to the car and opted to put Cayden in before the groceries as it was lightly snowing and cold and Cayden has a cough that I didn't want to antagonize. As I was doing so I kept an eye on my cart full of groceries to make sure someone didn't take off with it.

I glanced up at one point to see a man walking very slowly up the aisle of cars. He looked a little out of place and was visibly upset. I smiled at him and went back to putting Cayden in the car. When I looked up next I was startled to see the man standing a few feet away from me. He told me that he wanted to get some food for his boys and asked if I had anything on me I could give him. A few thoughts went though my mind...

...I normally don't feel bad for people asking for money as I think there is something else they could be doing to get the money/help they need. But I felt bad for this guy and wanted to help him.

...I never carry any cash on me! How on earth am I supposed to help him when I don't have anything to give?

I had to tell the man that I didn't have any amount of cash on me and that I was so sorry. I felt horrible and helpless as he walked away. After loading the groceries into my car I climbed into the drivers seat, locked the doors, and started bawling. Not just a few tears, but all out crying. I felt so bad for the man. What he said really tugged at my heart. I wished so badly that I had something to give him or even a less strict budget where I could have gone and bought him a few things. I didn't think of it at the time, but I could have offered him a loaf of bread or an apple or some crackers. That might have helped a little.

As I was thinking about how bad I felt for the man and his situation I was reminded of how truly blessed I am. I have a house to come home to with plenty of warm water and heat. I have a wonderful family - a husband who works so hard and loves his family and a sweet little boy who brings so much joy to my life. I have a car to get me places. I have the ability to buy food for my family; while it isn't always the grandest, we never go hungry.

Whether or not the man actually was trying to get food for his boys or not doesn't matter. It reminded me that even though our budget is tight and I sometimes wonder where the money is going to come from, we are always provided for. I have no room to complain that I couldn't buy all the things I wanted because I have all the things that I need. Things could certainly be much worse. I'm grateful. So grateful.

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Sometimes Heavenly Father needs to drop a brick on our head to get us to pay attention and realize that things aren't as bad as we think. Apparently today was my day. :)